first off…not to mock the dead, but…c’mon.

according to the AP, this dude - Angel Pantoja Medina - apparently had long-standing wishes to be standing for his funeral. like any good family, his obliged.

with the help of the good people at the marin funeral home, this all happened earlier this week.

 His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: “He wanted to be happy, standing.”

his funeral suit consisted of the-smell-of-9th-grade-biology-class, graphic tee, sunglasses, and a yankees hat. this proves, once again, that you need to be soul-less to root for new york.

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as you can see, it was a bit of a snooze-fest. i mean, seriously, how many meadows, glacial lakes, snow covered peaks and insanely deep crevaces does a guy need to see on a weekend? there is the bonus of feeling like john lithgow in cliffhanger when you’re up that high…soTHAT made it ok.

this was a 30km hike — ambitious right? tell me about it. in all honesty, i think a 25km route would’ve been better. the last 5km felt a bit like a death march.

bryan took a lot of great photos, i made some great sandwiches, and mike totally looked like an early 90s ski instructor at the summit with that orange jacket. check the photos on bryan’s blog.

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whatever.

as i’m slowly getting my shit together, i’m going to resume posting. i know, i know. you’re welcome. you’ve probably been checking it everyday with hopes and dreams like a kid on christmas, and by not posting it, i’ve dashed your dreams like so many drunk santa clauses.

dry those  tears, jimmy. santa’s back. and he brought a weird lady?

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i’ve been slacking at posting lately. we’re in cambodia now. it’s amazing.

see you all later.

posting will resume when i’m back in north america.

word.

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think back to the happiest days of your childhood. if you were as awesome as me, you were probably wearing a totally slammin’ athletic grey t-shirt your mom got you for back to school from zellers. oh yeah. it’s a no fear t. and oh yeah. it makes you feel like a badass.

if you’re not livin’ on the edge, you’re taking up too much space

-no fear (or so i thought)

totally radical, right? of course it’s radical. but it’s dishonest. no fear didn’t write that. will “willy” willis did in this book! they were totally trying to take the credit for it.

fo realsies. that guy wrote all the best no fear slogans. they’re all in there - like these gems:

-you can lie to everyone…but the bull (pg 112)

-i feel a bruise on your horizon (pg 234)

-got fear? or are you just choking on your cookies (pg 12, 18, 437, 500)

just picture it. this motivational business exec probably lived on energy drinks and amphetamines. he slept on a mechanical bull just to stay sharp. he beats old ladies at cards…and behind their homes!

no fear lied to me. i lived my entire life by that slogan. attributing it (wrongly) to no fear. i drank SO MUCH MOUNTAIN DEW. i was glowing from that shit! i was “if you’re not livin’ on the edge, you’re taking up too much space” for pete’s sake. all of this while worshiping a false idol. makes me want to barf.

no longer will i wear no fear shirts. nope. i’m going to go ahead and wear shirts that say this:

“they embraced my passion for the project and took it to new levels”

damn straight, mr. willis. damn straight.

(pictured: will willis enjoying a nice relaxing sunday)

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that’s pretty much like me, except i make K’NEX ferris wheels for my (totally manly) action figures. my stuff is more ground breaking.

take that jansen. step up. i bet your punches are as soft as that “j” in your name.

below is his “wonderful” art. pfffffffff. mother nature is doing most of the work. he just left it there.

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yeah. that’s right. it’s almost midnight and i just finished off 850ml of big gulp goodness. i intend on playing long into the night and being way too tired at work. but i’m doing it for democracy. so it’s not even a little bit dorky.

• pictured to the right: me pwning n00bs.

this brings me to the other part of the fight against terror that i’m a part of…sort of.

maybe you know, maybe you don’t, but i’m going on a 6 month trip through sunny southeast asia next week. i just picked up some BASIC travel insurance, and this is an interesting little bit of BASIC coverage:

Terrorism Coverage
Where an act of terrorism directly or indirectly causes a loss that would otherwise be payable under one of the covered risks in accordance with the terms and conditions of the policy, this insurance will provide coverage as follows:
a) We will reimburse you up to a maximum of 100% of your eligible loss.
b) The benefits payable in accordance with paragraph a), are in excess to all other potential sources of recovery, including but not limited to, alternative or replacement travel options offered by airlines, tour operators, cruiselines and other travel suppliers and other insurance coverage (even where such other coverage is described as excess) and will only respond after you have exhausted all such other sources.

i’m not really sure what this means…but i guess it’s comforting. to clarify it a bit, here is their definition (right in between dental and transporting my cat or dog in case of medical emergency):

 Terrorism or act of terrorism -an act, including but not limited to the use of force or violence and/or the threat thereof, including hijacking or kidnapping, of an individual or group in order to intimidate or terrorize any government, group, association or the general public, for religious, political or ideological reasons or ends, and does not include any act of war (whether declared or not), act of foreign enemies or rebellion.

i sure hope i don’t get kidnapped by a non-governmental force just doing it for fun, not intimidating/terrorizing some government*. i really also hope that this doesn’t get the middle part red flagged. ugh.

life is tough for me. i better get back to my fake one. this time it’s for ‘mrrrca!

*it WOULD be kind of nice to be that important…i think?

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there are also things that i hate: mondays, nermal, mondays and mondays. also dane cook.

thanks for brining them all together lasagna cat. thank you so much(props to ian for the heads up on this).

ps - bonus monday link! this is how i found out about the international sensation that is garfield.

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photo album of the event.

first off, for the mtv generation, here’s the video (photos by bryan rite and mikey duquet. editing by bryan and i).

all burgers will be graded on a scale of 1-10 chomps (picture sweaty little pacmans that i haven’t done up yet).

note: at ALL of the places i went to, NO ONE even flinched when i ordered these monstrosities and EACH place seemed surprised that i didn’t get the combo…except mcdonald’s where i did get the combo…but i only had a few fries and half the coke (i’m not a fatty).

#1: BK Quad Stacker

i started off with this bad boy because of burger king’s proximity to my place. i’m glad it was first, because it certainly wasn’t number one in my books. AND if you look closely at the picture, they over-burgered me. this gave me TWO extra patties. yikes.

it was greasy (i know, they’re all greasy, but this was extra bad), sweaty, and too meaty. there was no flavor up in this burger. by far the heaviest and most excessive, it won style points for doing what it was supposed to, but i would never get this again.

score: 3 chomps (chomp chomp chomp)

#2: Double Quarter Pounder w/Cheese

bravo mcdonald’s. slick packaging, hilariously stereotypical staff, and that greasy smell that sicks me out - but i secretly love. the double quarter pounder lived up to it’s name (it was pretty heavy). and offered the most in terms of vegetables: freeze dried onions and some pickles. mcdick’s had the best bun

score: 6 chomps

#3: The Baconator

this burger’s name is enough to make vegetarians barf a little bit — and since it was my third burger in 30 minutes — maybe me too. i’ll admit, i liked this monster. easily the best big burger offering, but still not good, per se.

this burger is a son of a bitch. the marketing doesn’t even do it justice. seriously, you put a veggie on this and it ACTUALLY spits it out the back of the bun. i’ll have nightmares about this thing.

score: 7.5 chomps

to say that i feel ill would be an understatement. i was drunk off burgers walking home. i literally had the meat sweats (not a myth), was dizzy, had a headache and i’m unable to feel hydrated. i’ve been through an eating war.

tomorrow i’m going to make a donation to the food bank

north america! north america! north america!

all three. they’re inside me. but not for long

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